You and I haven’t met yet. At least not in a person to person mode. I have been thinking about you for a year and a half now. Well, let’s put it this way, I have actually been waiting to meet you for the last 48 years… I know, it seems like a long time.
Now I understand why. I was busy gathering enough tools along the way to be able to share and assist you. I had to enable myself to speak with the voice of my experience.
Believe it or not, looking back, connecting the dots backwards, it all makes sense. There is wealth in every moment. Every moment gave me a new piece for the puzzle of our common human nature. Every moment helped me collect a new set of integers I can now put at your service.
If I wanted you to materialize in my life I had to prepare myself. I had to be able to walk my talk. Otherwise, my help would not be transformational…and what we need, you and I here, more than anything, is the power of transformation.
So, for the last year and a half I have been not only thinking about you but also focusing on your needs. Your sorrows, your joys. Your dreams.
Now, after learning further who you are and how to communicate with you, I visualize You are my fellow human being, open to work on the voyage of your life.
You are awakening to a new way of doing things.
You know somehow that being more spiritual only means being more human.
You are open to exploring in the most hidden corners of yourself to find the truth, even if it hurts.
You are open to acquire the courage to call a spade a spade, out loud.
You are willing to take action to change what’s necessary in your life because deep down you believe you do have the power to achieve it, provided you work with your thought process, aligning your thoughts. Taking responsibility for yourself.
You are open to devote time and energy into this burning desire that’s propelling you to change.
The power of humility and vulnerability makes sense to you.
You are ready to recognize and discard those elements in your life that are impeding your life purpose to manifest.
The concept of “living in the present is history in the making” appeals to you. You are the maker.
I am so thrilled you and I are going to meet at last.
All that said, you need a little help. A lot is very new for you. It’s true, you are the master of your own destiny, It’s about mastering it. What does it mean? you have to learn to discern. To put the pieces together. That’s no small task. That’s your part. Your 50%. Your responsibility.
My part?
I will give you the other 50%. We’ll met in the middle. I will walk with you while you write your history in the present. The one you want to write. The one you need to write.
The one with the set of integers of your life purpose.
Let’s imagine you have to go on a journey to the bottom of the sea. You have a burning desire to do this, the certainty you have to embark on this journey because you will find important treasures that belong to you and you are looking for. You are very excited and humbled by the anticipation of the experience. You are also a little overwhelmed and scared.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosejamesoviedo/220225323/sizes/m/
The moment of truth. Perhaps it is, after all the most important decision of your life.
Unknown territory my captain!
You need a guide. A person who is familiar with the bottom of the sea.
Somebody who will help you become familiar with the bottom of the sea.
Somebody who knows the territory.
A great part of the process is what unites us as human beings. The shared passion for the journey. The human need to relating, naming and confirming the steps. Drawing the map together.
A great part of the process is to strip away the drama and exchange it for the enjoyment of what it is.
I commend you for the courage to take action. I commend you for your determination, by your blind faith to go through the unknown.
I love the bottom of the sea. I spent more than 40 years there, as my ex husband says, It is my favorite place. I used to hang out there most of the time in constant exploration, when most people were not interested in knowing anything about it. Now, things have changed. More people are interested in exploring that territory, and it turns out I it’s a familiar territory for me. I am an expert guide. You can hire me for the job.
There is nothing in the world I would rather be doing. Guiding you to the bottom of the sea is my passion. A repeated pilgrimage to find the treasures that will give you back the most valuable parts of yourself.
Now, where do we start? That place may be vast and confusing. We have to go slowly.
We’ll go together with one specific task.
I have come up with an idea to get you started. Something simple and concise that you are longing to resolve. Think of an issue that is bugging you enough to make you feel like walking with a hole in your stomach or a knot in your throat. Derived from your relationship with somebody or something. You want to get rid of it. PRESTO! It’s time for it to go away.
Maybe you regret something was left unsaid; Maybe you are angry or frustrated because you didn’t express yourself. Maybe you want to set the record straight. Maybe you need to assert yourself.
The issue whatever it is, can be resolved by simply writing a letter.
Letters are powerful healing tools. Gary Halbert the legendary copywriter said:
“There is no problem in life that cannot be resolved with a good sales letter.”
I say: “There is no problem in life that cannot be resolved with The 50/50 Letter.”
How?
Well, this issue that’s bugging you is a relationship with somebody dead or alive, an institution in the past or the present. It involves other human beings. You want to resolve it. You want to set the record straight. Mainly in your mind. Take your 50% of the responsibility and leave the other 50% with the other part.
The 50/50 Letter
will be a letter addressed to one or more human beings with the purpose of meeting them in the middle line between the 50’s. That place has the magic of balance. You’ll decide if you want to mail it or not. The result of writing the letter will be not affected by that.
50/50. Just pay attention to the numbers. See the balance?
I’ll coach you to write that letter. We’ll meet once a week on the phone, we’ll exchange emails, until it is ready. You decide if you send it or not. By the time we are done with the letter, you will be free of that feeling.
The hole in your stomach will be filled, or the knot in your throat will be untied.
You are going to be able to move on from that episode of your life that’s interfering with your growth and progress.
Furthermore, we’ll utilize that episode to move on. We’ll find the light underneath the ashes of the conflict. The treasure that’s lying at the darkness of the bottom of the sea.
As a result, you will have a map to the bottom of the sea.
The best part is that next time you want to go back, you will be able to go by yourself. You will know your way.
You will have the tools you need for the journey. The territory will become familiar for you. .
In order to write the letter we’ll determine together how much time we’ll need to accomplish the task. I estimate we need a minimum of 4 weeks and a maximum of 8 weeks. Depending on the issue.
That’s why I am so thrilled to be able to walk this path with you. I know you are going to fall in love with the bottom of the sea. I know that on the way back, you will start taking charge of your own destiny.
To resume, I have to tell you that even though I am an expert at the bottom of the sea, this is unexplored territory for me. I have done the journey with numerous people throughout my life. However, this is my first time with you. I also am a little scared and overwhelmed. and at the same time very excited and humbled by the anticipation of the experience. I will share the gift of my own vulnerability. That’s the meeting point.
Our shared humanity. The middle line. 50/50
Here are some examples of letters that you may want to write:
To your ex spouse for the sake of the children.
To a parent.
To a child.
To a boss or a partner.
To a friend,
To your ideal client.
To your left brain.
To an institution.
You can add your own personal one to the list.
When you are ready to start your letter, contact me. We’ll chat for a few minutes to see if we are a fit for each other and we’ll go from there.
Here is to you.
Luz
P.S. I included the Steve Jobs commencement speech at the University of Stafford , because of its immensely inspirational value. The relevance to the idea of connecting the dots backwards and following your heart. Enjoy it.
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I have a dear friend who loves to talk about the truth, he is on a mission to remind everybody who crosses his path to be truthful. When he pronounces the words t-h-e t-r-u-t-h, his voice raises. His face becomes invaded with urgency. You can hear every letter of the phrase lingering, aiming certainty. Like a beam lightening darkness. I love that about him. He is relentless with his message. Hungry for virgin ears who are open to listen. I think he is at his best when sustaining that conversation.
In the last few months I have been working with Ari Galper, the founder of Unlock the Game, coaching his Inner Circle members. He has created a new philosophy for sales professionals. A new Mindset. A new Mindset with a new foundation. The truth. An unprecedented concept in the traditional variety of sales techniques. I love that about Ari. In his own words, “It’s a different way of thinking based on integrity, honesty, and truth.” He says. “It’s like this…forget about business for a moment and think about your own personal life. Do you want relationships with people who are comfortable not telling you the truth? Well, selling is a relationship too, and you can probably understand why “techniques” endorsed by traditional sales trainers make building a genuine human relationship virtually impossible.”
Alice Miller, the polish/Swiss psychologist, philosopher and sociologist who was an advocate for children during most of the 20th Century wrote a book called “The Truth will set you free.” It’s about overcoming emotional blindness and Finding your True Adult Self. This book speaks to the true nature of the human soul, it argues that only by embracing the truth about our past stories we can achieve contentment in the present.
My father used to say that you can deceive others, but you can’t deceive yourself. Even though it sounds good, I found through my experience that the contrary is often true. It is very easy to deceive yourself. But you can’t deceive others. When you pretend being somebody else, shows. People can see through you. Sometimes you stand embellishing your act convinced that your little secret is not out, when everybody is aware of it except yourself. It is not a good scene for you nor everybody else. Incredibly, enough people love you anyway because you have so many great traits that make up for the deceit. You are a great person who wants to pretend is somebody else. After all is your life. You are the master of your destiny right? Can you imagine how much more others would love you if you were not so afraid to show your real self?
Or if they didn’t, how good it would feel to accept they are not a fit for you? And move on?
Now, why do you do that? There are hundreds of reasons. We all do it to some extent while we walk through life trying to find out who we really are. Among those diverse reasons from our different circumstances, the bottom line, COMMON TO ALL OF US IS ONE MAIN REASON:
YOU ARE NOT GIVING PERMISSION TO YOURSELF TO BE YOU.
The thing is that you came to this world to be you. The one and only. Nobody else. “Le pese a quien le pese. Especialmente a ti. ” No matter what anybody thinks. Especially you.
I’ll remind you, that not allowing yourself to be you has some constant consequences. You know what they are, you are living them or used to live them. They are detrimental.
Let’s review some.
You have to pretend most of the time.
Your desires are not important.
You feel split inside most of the time.
You feel like you are cheating yourself most of the time.
You doubt a lot.
You are unable to express your feelings.
You can’t relate to other people.
Your resentment is bottled inside.
You become passive aggressive.
Actually accepting yourself exactly as you are, will erase all those feelings. For good.
You will feel free, energized, humbled, open, vulnerable, inspired, enriched, calm, human, strong.
“I am so sorry for what you went through. I honor your pain and I apologize for my part in the situation.
I am so sorry! If I could change the past, go to that moment again and undo it, I would not hesitate. At any cost. But I can’t. All I could do at the time, was not allow anything like that to happen again.
I also carry the pain of that memory. As you do. With empathy I have been able to accept it and forgive myself.” I said to my son.
” I cannot change the past, but what I can do is change the present and the future.” - I continued.
He was 15 years old, it was around that time of the dismemberment of the family. The sorrow, the helplessness, the wrath of divorce. Like that wasn’t enough, he had a horrible fight with his older brother. Instigated by me in an indirect manner but the result was very direct, harming him in a deep way.
Sometimes is only one scene in the plateau of our lives that will make a mark in the delicate fabric of trust.
Sometimes anger goes around misplacing its motives looking for a scape goat. Sometimes when that happens, the wound invades the innocence of the personality, staining its source.
It is outrageously unfair.
He was cheerful, kind, helpful… supportive. It all changed.
He felt betrayed… abandoned… unloved…alone…helpless. Watching his change was torture.
Knowing I had provoked it, was hell.
It took some time to notice the consequences. It took some time to heal.
I never resisted his anger. He just needed to express it. I acknowledged the need for it when he wasn’t too furious to listen. I admired him for being so open with it. I admired his determination for demanding better.
At some level his anger was a gift. It kept me conscious.
I took it step by step.
But I had to make peace with it.
I had the privilege of having a lot of help and support. After several conversations with friends digging into the roots of the problem, and taking action to make sure it was not going to be repeated, I was able to accept it as a painful scene, frozen in the past. The past I was helpless to change.
I have had several soul conversations with my beautiful son about it. Now he is 25. I think he is at peace with it too. His kindness and helpfulness came back. He is also supportive. I am not sure about the cheerfulness.
He made peace with his brother years ago.
That Saturday morning, he was open, we talked about it in depth in his bedroom, with his girlfriend, when he was 16. After exploring his pain, his father’s pain at his age and the weakness of human nature in general, he said:
“And when you do this mom, when you acknowledge the past in the present, you not only change the present and the future but you also change the past.”
“So, how did the conference go”? I asked my son after he got in the car when I picked him up from the airport.
He had spent the last 4 days attending his company’s annual GM conference.
He had spent the last seven years escalating the corporate ladder in an upscale casual restaurant corporation with close to 150 restaurants in the country.
Those early days he started working as a waiter in one of their restaurants in the Washington DC metro area seemed so far away.
“It was pretty good mom, you know, I realized that I can’t compete with the big cities any more. I will never be able to make their numbers in a small town. And that’s alright with me. I chose to stay in this city in California in order to stop moving around. That was a conscious decision my wife and I made to give our son the stability that our family needed. I am happy with that decision.”
But there is still something else I can do. I can focus more on the hospitality area and become the first in the country in hospitality. Best service. That is perfectly feasible.”
He was always in love with his job, his company and his product. Ever since that day after working as a waiter for 6 months, he got promoted to expo manager.
“This is what I want to do with my life mom -he said - I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to escalate the corporate ladder with this company. I love it.”
“But darling, it is the restaurant business, you know what that means, no life. Remember my experience with restaurants and food?” - I answered. - It is the most thankless field on the planet.”
“Yes, but you are the one who taught me the love for food, mama” -he said- We both laughed, that was the end of the conversation and the rest is history.
He always wanted to provide the very best he could. His constant inner source of motivation had gotten him to become a General Manager within 5 years in the company. His career had demanded him moving around in the previous years from Washington, to Philadelphia, San Francisco, San Jose and Hawaii.
His wife was already putting up with the restaurant hours. Which you know, are pretty long and don’t include free weekends. She deserved to be in a stable place where she could build her own life with her child. I can imagine the everyday life she experienced in a new city when her husband was working all the time, and they would have to leave in a few months. Not fun.
Now she has a job, is starting a new career and a lot of friends. They still would like to spend more time together. They were able to do that only one day a week. However, their different schedules provided their son with quality time from both of them. He went to day care just to fill the gaps, not as a routine. And spent one full day with both of them.
A couple of months went by since that conversation at the airport. I was back home and he calls me one evening. He says: “Mom, would you say that I am a genius? ” “Of course, you know you are.” ” Well, as of now I am the sixth in the country in hospitality. The VPs and CEOs are telling every GM nationally to follow my example. ” Hes said laughing. He was so excited…
He does many things to achieve those results. He is a great leader, a great manager, he understands team work, he is enthusiastic, He has organizational skills, he is dependable, he is human, and on top he is bilingual. But above all he has a passion for what he does. That is the key.
Among all those attributes there is one thing he does that strikes me as a major element to his success.
Now, anybody who has worked in the restaurant business before, knows how stressful and thankless it can be. Especially in a restaurant like his. He has 300 employees under him. Very busy.
He spends a lot of the time walking the floor. Sensing everything that is happening. Present, supporting his staff by pitching in with help when is need. Participating with them.
When he sees a bus person or a bartender with a sad or worried grin on his or her face, he says Hey! so and so, let’s have a cup of coffee.
He sits with that person in a corner at one of the tables outside in the patio and asks if there is anything wrong and if he can help in any way. It turns out that they end up having a conversation about the solutions to the problem at hand, if there is no real solution he will help them move on. Because he cares. weather it is a personal or work related matter.
The needed conversation to relief the tension. To acknowledge the human being within the hard worker. Then he says: “Now you can go out there and show your best face to our guests.”
And he or she smiles and nods. Simply because after that conversation he or she feels a lot better.
A parenthesis of support and humanity is what makes all the difference. Just a little parenthesis, a small window, to remind them he doesn’t forget they are human. He shows his gratitude. I have to say it is a natural for him.
Corporate measures hospitality with mystery guests who relentlessly come unannounced out of the blue. He doesn’t have a clue if any of his staff at any given moment is talking to a guest or the corporate messenger on schedule.
He can’t afford to have his staff pretend they are happy all the time by not acknowledging their human needs. He understand that to get the real results it has to be genuine. Besides if they feel good at work, they obviously are going to reflect it on the customer, making the experience of every single guest as pleasant as it can be. With consistency.
They are giving a lot. He gives back. A 50/50. Then he doesn’t have to worry about the mystery guest. He is focusing on his employees’ contentment. His team. The little parenthesis of humanity of support that makes all the difference.
The team who will respond to his kindness with more kindness to his guests. Across the board. The team that got him to the 6th in the country. Another example of numbers made by people.
This endearing story leaves me thinking that if I was a bus person or a dishwasher at a very busy large upscale casual restaurant operation I would like to have my son to be my boss.
I spent 6 hour sitting at the bar in my last visit watching the operation. It was a pleasure.
Do you believe that somehow in your inner world stands a frustrated little child hungry for attention and love, who projects its needs into your adult life, interfering with your present actual dreams, confusing the hell out of you, and injecting you a lot of the time with a feeling of emptiness and devastation similar to the one you experienced in your remote childhood ?
Your childhood, so remote and yet so near.
You have a child from your past, present in the household of your life, acting out. Now. Invading your space. Preventing you from being you today. Making important decisions for you.
The irony is that it is not even about you. Is about that little child, stuck in some scene of your past, frozen in time.
Demanding acknowledgement. Directly intervening in all your relationships, because it wants those people in your life to notice it, to feed its anxiety, to fill the holes, to become the parent it is longing for. It can be any of them, your lover, your peer your child, your boss or your relative…As long as the relationship feels familiar to that remote scene frozen in its past.
(Every child is an artist, the problem is to remain an artist when he grows up. Pablo Picasso)
It will continue repeating the same behavior, in the hopes that somebody is going to make everything right for it. One day. One day, somebody will rescue it, and liberate it away from the carousel scene of the past. Going around and around.
Except that it is mistaken, the only person who can really pull it away from the carousel is you. You and only you can really calm it down. It is yours, lives in the household of your life. It needs your attention. Nobody else’s. It needs to hear your grown up command. The whisper of your will. Your will to live in the present.
Yes, you read correctly. P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N in your errors.
Seems crazy, huh?
Again, in order to learn reading the perfection in your errors, you have to treat errors as data.
Part of your unique life path data.
Train yourself to look for the light underneath the ashes of your errors.
In that light is your way to wholeness.
Think about it, if you believe to some extent, the concept of “your thoughts create your reality” is somewhat true…You, only you are the creator of your story. Errors included.
You created the whole thing, completely.
With everything you had. And everything you had not. What you had not is what you have to fill with new information.
Well, you had more or less than the rest of the world.
But you had what you had. No more nor less.
You didn’t know better. You were missing data.
Sometimes you didn’t know there were other options because you were never exposed to those options.
You just didn’t know.
So, are you going to punish yourself for life because you made a mistake due to lack of knowledge?
How cruel can it be to pay such a price for not knowing…
Wouldn’t you think that pretending we know everything is unrealistic and leaves you with a sense of inadequacy?
Of course, inadequacy that can be erased from the equation by accepting the truth and finding the adequate information.
Besides, you don’t know right now when you are hurting and recriminating yourself for being human, if this error is one of the best things that happened to you.
Lack of knowledge can be very grey, like the ashes.
Every time you make a mistake, you are facing an opportunity to see yourself as you are, evaluate what you have, what you don’t have and make adjustments. Adding new data.
Most of the time a life changing decision comes from those errors.
That’s right! That’s their purpose.
Opportunities to find the light of knowledge underneath the ashes of ignorance.
When the dust of emotion settles on the ground, and you revisit the data base of the past, the past becomes
a vast source of information, information that tells you that maybe your errors were there to be crafted with the
big picture. And you don’t need to keep repeating them…any more.
I think the hardest part is accepting that part of us is ignorant. Simply human. There is a saying in Spanish that says: “Nadie nació sabido.” Nobody was born known.
Errors disappear in the big picture.
Sometimes what was perceived as a mistake or a problem becomes a blessing in spite of the pain you had to endure.
When the dust settles.
In the end is like living in the present visualizing a movie in the future. The movie of your own life story,
you are actively and consciously creating in the present. With what you had and with what you had not.
Finding the meaning in your errors and trials opens up a rainbow of information you didn’t have. Information you can choose to acquire.
Things you were not exposed too.
Don’t punish yourself for not knowing.
Just look for the perfection and leave the pain behind.
After the dust settles on the ground.
After the dust settles on the ground, I invite you to share the stories of big errors in your life that were transformed to blessings in the big picture. It is a great topic for conversation, because it helps reinforce the idea that it’s OK not to know. Is even better because it opens up new dimensions. The world is full of successful people who fell on their knees of human ignorance and embraced the new, before they got successful. Success and failure are 2 parts of the same coin. Not 2 coins.
Please stop, it’s just upside down. Sometimes we really see it that way…
Hi my friends,
Thank you so much for visiting Soul Hang Out. And for coming back for more . It means you are in resonance with the content. Feels like a partnership. I do my part, you do yours. 50/50. I appreciate it. A lot. Thanks again for your response.
I am posting the first issue of Soul Hang Out newsletter, titled
Stop! “It Is What It Is”
Some times the anatomy of words whisapers in your ear. Do you notice the perfect harmony in the combination of letters? To me is a pleasure just to execute the exercise of writing it. It’s like they are giving you permission to be. To just be. They provide a sense of looseness and relief. It’s like a reminder to stay present in Inness.
Any way, my intention of posting the first issue of the newsletter is to inspire you all to subscribe to it. It will show up weekly in your inbox. It will bring you the stories with a reminder to stop and think… ”It Is What It Is” is to be embraced. There is nothing else, really. It lacks drama. And the drama takes away your power…It belongs in the past. I invite you to participate with your stories. I will publish them and we can share. Share the stories of your humanity. The only thing we have in common.
When I sent the first copy of the newsletter to my list, I received an email from Felicia. That’s what inspired me to do this. The way she felt about it. I want to share with you all and see if you agree with her. Provided she has been my friend for about 15 years, and we have done a lot of of work together. Soul conversations.
She was one of those people in my life that kept encouraging me to keep moving. She believed in me. She was actually the person who introduced me to Alice Miller and her great concept of “Enlightened Witnesses.” It’s very sweet. Thanks again, Felicia, my dear friend. And also, by the way if you have any feedback will be greatly appreciated it. It’s is time to start the conversation.
It reads like this:
You are just brilliant!!!!!
This newsletter is perfect!
If I were with you I’d be screaming my head off about
how great this is!!
SO beautifully stated, the pacing is peace.
Luzma - you talk about this acceptance business in a
way that I can take it in more than anywhere else I’ve
ever read. You’ve been doing it for years — it is
consistent.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Oh, if I were there I’d be hugging you and dancing
around and patting you on the back and screaming and
laughing!!
Love,
Felicia
Yeah! she is talking about the newsletter. The place where you and I are going to start the conversation. The place where we will craft the words to align our thoughts and nurture our soul. The place where we will read the perfection in our errors. The place where we will transmute drama into wisdom.
Very soon I will announce a monthly Tele-seminar and Podcast.
I will also allocate hours a week to soul conversation, one on one to clarify any doubts that you may have. Monday through Wednesday from 3pm to 4 pm. Through the chat box.
When you subscribe you will get the newsletter with evolving plans and projects.
I would love to have you contribute throwing some ideas of how would you like to proceed from here.
So far I have many ideas, but would like to hear yours. Reunions, (I prefer the word reunion to seminars.) Virtual and live. Coaching, groups and one on one.
Here is the newsletter.
I chose “It is what it is” to be the
title of my newsletter because it’s a
good start. We are who we are and it
is what it is.
It is what it is strips away the perception
of drama from the experience. It helps to
treat it as simple data, to be transformed
into valuable experience.
You just can’t leave anything out. If you
did, you would be leaving precious
parts of you, pieces that you need to
complete that identity puzzle of your unique
wholeness. Your seal.
Besides, the bridge to arrive to your life purpose,
awakening and contentment is the stone bridge of
self acceptance.
To me, spirituality is embedded in accepting
our simple and polarized human nature.
Completely.
And guess what…You cannot accept
yourself if you are missing pieces of
the puzzle. In which case you would be accepting
only a percentage of yourself, not the 100%.
You can’t settle for less than even a golden
penny less than 100. Do you?
You would be cheating yourself!
Wouldn’t you?
In order to accept yourself as
your human heart longs for, it will help
to start giving a hard and long look
at yourself and honor what it is today,
with non judgemental compassion.
It is what it is!
Thanks so much for being a member of
Soul Hang Out. Please feel free to ask me
any questions. I would love to start the
conversation with you and hear your
comments.
If somebody asked me to write one word that would have all the elements of a magic keyword, the kind that has the power to transform, heal, clean, ultimately erase a lot of the nonsense that we humans engage in. Save time, enhance contentment and productivity, avoid pain, a keyword with so much power that if applied, would change the world…what would I say? I would probably say there is one word that comes to mind first. Acknowledgement.
Yes, a keyword with the ability to open the door to collective sanity. To self responsibility. Think about it. The worst mistakes in history were made because somebody didn’t acknowledge something or somebody else. The worst relationship disasters causing generations to repeat the same destructive patterns, causing endless pain, happen because somebody didn’t acknowledge somebody else or something.
Conflicts would transform into blissful feelings of empathy, almost instantly dissolving the tension, if one person takes the initiative to acknowledge his or her part in the equation. Ultimately acknowledging his or herself.
I know that the worst source of pain for me over the years was always rooted in some kind of perception that I was being erased. It was the lack of acknowledgement that hurt the most. It’s like you are looked at with the eyes of a very acute astigmatism without glasses.
It’s not like you need people to agree with you all the time or apologize or even empathize. Nor to judge your actions. Just to acknowledge you. No matter how bad a situation may look, you know deep down why you are doing it. It’s a matter of starting the conversation with your soul. Accepting your humanity.
You see, acknowledgement doesn’t carry emotion, “it is what it is. “Acknowledgement means embracing what it is. And what it is what we are. And what we are we have to honor. And to honor who we are we need to acknowledge the errors too.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to flagellate or bend yourself to avoid being hang by the pole at the major square. Because you made a mistake. Not. You are human, remember? Your nature is to commit errors. There is perfection to be read in your errors though…did you know it? but that’s another story. A great start is to just begin to acknowledge them. As sources of information that can show the light underneath the ashes. The agents of change.
Why ? Because your errors represent the human part of you, and not seeing them makes you a lacking and bizarre silhouette of yourself, seen through eyes with a very acute astigmatism without glasses. My parents’ generation was not very good at acknowledging their actions and its consequences. They didn’t have enough information about human nature and its behaviors. Nor they had notion of powerful thoughts and different ways.
We have the gift of their experience and the information at our disposal to question and reinvent what needs to be reinvented. Starting with the stage of our lives. As it is. It’s a great privilege. Acknowledgement is a useful short cut.
Besides, when we acknowledge ourselves and accept who we are, people will acknowledge us completely. Acknowledge your soul, it will guide you to acknowledge every thing else, and best of all, you will be acknowledged wherever you go.
Visuals are very powerful. Enjoy this masterful performance by Jerome Murat, acknowledging his soul.It will stay in your retina as a reminder of the bridge to your soul from your humanity.
Well, it has been three weeks since I wrote my last post here. I tell you, I am so thrilled that our community is much more crowded with members than it was three weeks ago. I have enjoyed watching it grow, like a duck in the water. Happy, fulfilled, content and satisfied. Welcome everybody. It’s such a pleasure opening the page and being able to see your faces, your photographs, your videos, your writing and above all your THOUGHTS. THANKS to all for joining, and thanks in advance to the ones that are to come.
It’s been a great process. As every process, carried its share of rocks on the way, ( Carol would say.) You know what happens with rocks in the middle of your way. You have to STOP, and sometimes stopping is not fun. Especially when moving the rock to take it out of the road to continue, means you have to read a manual of some technical stuff. That is a heavy rock. (Many of you know how bad I am at that stuff.) Anyway, what the heck, the rock is there and you have to take care of business. Check out this video. Central Station Frozen. Is pretty relevant. Sometimes stopping is not a bad thing. http://soulhangout.ning.com/video/video/show?id=1978393%3AVideo%3A1942
It’s interesting how we allow external forces to interrupt our lives, invade it with foreign activities to live in a perennially interrupted mode and then when we have to stop and are given the opportunity to allow internal forces to interrupt us and be acknowledged, we resist.
It is so very frustrating though. But the frustration comes from the idea that you wanted to continue without interruption. Internet marketing is full of interruptions. Full of relevant and needed information. Like every process. But as I was saying, sometimes your horse hauling the carriage of tunnel vision race is ABRUPTLY STOPPED and you are prompted to change gears and pay attention to something else, “less important”. Most of the time pretty basic and primary. Simple and technical as a video of how to use auto-responders. Necessary too. That’s the part I would love to skip.
In other words, everything lasted longer than I expected. The process was unraveling at its own rhythm. It was my expectation what was really out of track.
I always hated transitions anyway. Eckhart Tolle, the author of “The new Earth” calls them means to an end. Any way I much less enjoy reading technical manuals. During the transition periods, staying in the moment was torture. It didn’t feel comfortable. I wanted to rush the process. Looking back it was my resistance to change. It was the frenzy to go from start to outcome. The ADD inhabitant in my body mandating speed.
Last week, somebody very close and very dear called me and told me that she had written a letter - Letters are powerful healing tools, for the giver and the receiver - she told me the story. Her brother in law had separated from his wife 3 months ago, and is now considering going back to his marriage.
She said she had this urge, a feeling bigger than her, to sit down by the computer and start typing. She said she started typing and started crying. She said she couldn’t stop writing, neither crying, until she finished the letter.
The letter is about a stuck little person hiding in a room feeling he or she wants to crawl under a rock and never come out. Sometimes our childish human behavior even when we are way into adulthood is very clear, like watching the 5 year old child acting out in the 55 year old lady’s body, who monopolizes the moment, not being able to share conversation with the group. Acting out in the fifties what could not be acted out at five. Sometimes is more subtle. In any case, while we engage in our childish behavior as adults, we don’t think while we fight with our spouse that maybe, there is a scared little person hidden in a room hibernating. With a desperate need to talk to somebody that will reassure him or her that his or her feelings are valid, and he or she doesn’t have to be trapped in that reality for ever. Here is the letter.
We are not disclosing the real names, in order to protect the persons involved, especially the children. Enjoy! Perhaps you feel identified or know a child in the same situation.
Hey. I am emailing you because I figured it’s better than a phone call for me. It’s easier to express myself. However, if you want to talk about it, I am there for you.
As you know, my mom and dad did not have the most cordial relationship. Yes, they loved each other very much.
(Although, I am convinced that my dad loved my mom lots more because he was hooked to her mental games. I realised it in my adulthood). However, when they fought, it was very sad for me. As a matter of fact, here I am, 39 and I can’t even type about it without crying. When my dad and mom argued, I would literally lock myself in my room and hibernate.
I am thankful for having had a live-in nanny that was my rock. I could “hide” with her and she would tell me that “everything would be fine”. Like I said, I had an adult to talk to and let everything out. Your little boys need to be able to talk to someone other than you or Elizabeth or anyone else in the families (non-bias) and VENT!!!
You can tell that Derek has so much inside that he needs to let out, but he can’t, because he unknowingly can’t tell anyone in either family for fear of hurting the parents. I, personally, think it would be very good for them to see a therapist. I had a nanny that I could count on for that, and if she would not have been around, I would have become even more of an introvert. I see myself in Derek. A shy little person.
Anyway, back to me (Peter would probably say typical…me me me). One time, when my parents had a screaming match, my dad got so frustrated that he kicked the shower door and had to get 23 stitches on the arch of his foot. He never hurt my mother physically, but he had to take it out somehow. That was the first big fight that I can remember and we were still living on Belle-view Dr. I was 8, I think.
We moved to the house on 19th street, which you have been to many times. And the fights continued, but now, my mom started calling the cops. Jason, that was the worst thing ever.,, I was so mortified every time the cops came…and they were there often. My house was perfectly situated where the school buses would all come down Stark Street, (which is directly in front of the house). I had to come up with creative ideas as to why the cops were at my house AGAIN!…IT TOTALLY SUCKED!!!
They also would fight when I had friends over, therefore I did not have friends over that often. When they came, I would turn up the stereo or TV up really loud, so they would not hear my parents fighting (again, verbally, never physically). I tried to pretend that it was not happening, but it was…
All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and never come out. Seriously, it got to the point that I did not want to invite my friends over for the fear of my parent’s fighting. Now, I did have one thing going for me. My dad was in the travel business, which meant that he traveled all the time. He would be gone 1/2 of the year total. I hate to say it, but I could not wait for my dad to leave. Not having my dad around was like living in paradise… not because I didn’t love him, but because I knew there weren’t going to be any fights…and I could have my friends over (that included Elizabeth, BTW).
Now, when I knew my dad was coming back, my stomach would turn, I would feel sick. Since he was usually coming back from Europe, that meant that he would arrive at home when I was at school. I didn’t want to go home. Actually, I didn’t want to go home A LOT!!!
Now, you tell me… is that the kind of household a kid should come home to? A kid’s home should be their sanctuary where they should always feel safe…which is what your brother and I have given Rachel. Whenever I pick her up from school and I have to run errands afterwards, she gets upset because she wants to go home. She loves her home, not just in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense.
Well, it has been three weeks since I wrote my last post here. I tell you, I am so thrilled that our community is much more crowded with members than it was three weeks ago. I have enjoyed watching it grow, like a duck in the water. Happy, fulfilled, content and satisfied. Welcome everybody. It’s such a pleasure opening the page and being able to see your faces, your photographs, your videos, your writing and above all your THOUGHTS. THANKS to all for joining, and thanks in advance to the ones that are to come. 