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The Power of Now Can Heal the Past. A Gift from my Son.

August 4th, 2008 5 Comments » Filed under Stop! It Is What It Is" Newsletter

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“I am so sorry for what you went through. I honor your pain and I apologize for my part in the situation.

I am so sorry! If I could change the past, go to that moment again and undo it, I would not hesitate. At any cost. But I can’t. All I could do at the time, was not allow anything like that to happen again.

I also carry the pain of that memory. As you do. With empathy I have been able to accept it and forgive myself.” I said to my son.

” I cannot change the past, but what I can do is change the present and the future.” – I continued.

He was 15 years old, it was around that time of the dismemberment of the family. The sorrow, the helplessness, the wrath of divorce. Like that wasn’t enough, he had a horrible fight with his older brother. Instigated by me in an indirect manner but the result was very direct, harming him in a deep way.

Sometimes is only one scene in the plateau of our lives that will make a mark in the delicate fabric of trust.

Sometimes anger goes around misplacing its motives looking for a scape goat. Sometimes when that happens, the wound invades the innocence of the personality, staining its source.

It is outrageously unfair.

He was cheerful, kind, helpful… supportive. It all changed.

He felt betrayed… abandoned… unloved…alone…helpless. Watching his change was torture.

Knowing I had provoked it, was hell.

It took some time to notice the consequences. It took some time to heal.

I never resisted his anger. He just needed to express it. I acknowledged the need for it when he wasn’t too furious to listen. I admired him for being so open with it. I admired his determination for demanding better.

At some level his anger was a gift. It kept me conscious.

I took it step by step.

But I had to make peace with it.

I had the privilege of having a lot of help and support. After several conversations with friends digging into the roots of the problem, and taking action to make sure it was not going to be repeated, I was able to accept it as a painful scene, frozen in the past. The past I was helpless to change.

I have had several soul conversations with my beautiful son about it. Now he is 25. I think he is at peace with it too. His kindness and helpfulness came back. He is involved and  supportive again…and the cheerfulness, mainly the cheerfulness, enlightening his path is back.

He made peace with his brother years ago.

That Saturday morning, he was open, we talked about it in depth in his bedroom, with his girlfriend, when he was 16. After exploring his pain, his father’s pain at his age and the weakness of human nature in general, he said:

“And when you do this mom, when you acknowledge the past in the present, you not only change the present and the future but you also change the past.”

Luz

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mr-scratch/1241773307/

The Thought Provoking, Irreverent  Pearl Necklace Grandmother of the 21st C

Founder Soul Hangout http://soulhangout.net

Founder of  Co-Creative Circles of Coherence, Soul Mastermind Groups Consciously Connecting & Combining Intelligence. The 7 “C”‘s of the 7 Condiments of Cooperation

Luz

The Thought Provoking, Irreverent Pearl Necklace Grandmother of the 21st C. Paradigm Shifter, Poet, Storyteller, Marketer, Visionary, Blogger, Coach. Mrs. Fire

“50/50 The Magic of the Middle Line”, Experience Coaching”

Founder Soul Hangout & Co-Creative Circles of Coherence, Soul Mastermind Groups. Consciously Connecting & Combining Intelligence with a touch of “Curry”. The 7 “C”‘s of the 7 Condiments of Cooperation

http://soulhangout.net/2171

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