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The Power of Now Can Heal the Past. A Gift from my Son.

August 4th, 2008 5 Comments » Filed under Stop! It Is What It Is" Newsletter

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“I am so sorry for what you went through. I honor your pain and I apologize for my part in the situation.

I am so sorry! If I could change the past, go to that moment again and undo it, I would not hesitate. At any cost. But I can’t. All I could do at the time, was not allow anything like that to happen again.

I also carry the pain of that memory. As you do. With empathy I have been able to accept it and forgive myself.” I said to my son.

” I cannot change the past, but what I can do is change the present and the future.” – I continued.

He was 15 years old, it was around that time of the dismemberment of the family. The sorrow, the helplessness, the wrath of divorce. Like that wasn’t enough, he had a horrible fight with his older brother. Instigated by me in an indirect manner but the result was very direct, harming him in a deep way.

Sometimes is only one scene in the plateau of our lives that will make a mark in the delicate fabric of trust.

Sometimes anger goes around misplacing its motives looking for a scape goat. Sometimes when that happens, the wound invades the innocence of the personality, staining its source.

It is outrageously unfair.

He was cheerful, kind, helpful… supportive. It all changed.

He felt betrayed… abandoned… unloved…alone…helpless. Watching his change was torture.

Knowing I had provoked it, was hell.

It took some time to notice the consequences. It took some time to heal.

I never resisted his anger. He just needed to express it. I acknowledged the need for it when he wasn’t too furious to listen. I admired him for being so open with it. I admired his determination for demanding better.

At some level his anger was a gift. It kept me conscious.

I took it step by step.

But I had to make peace with it.

I had the privilege of having a lot of help and support. After several conversations with friends digging into the roots of the problem, and taking action to make sure it was not going to be repeated, I was able to accept it as a painful scene, frozen in the past. The past I was helpless to change.

I have had several soul conversations with my beautiful son about it. Now he is 25. I think he is at peace with it too. His kindness and helpfulness came back. He is involved and  supportive again…and the cheerfulness, mainly the cheerfulness, enlightening his path is back.

He made peace with his brother years ago.

That Saturday morning, he was open, we talked about it in depth in his bedroom, with his girlfriend, when he was 16. After exploring his pain, his father’s pain at his age and the weakness of human nature in general, he said:

“And when you do this mom, when you acknowledge the past in the present, you not only change the present and the future but you also change the past.”

Luz

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mr-scratch/1241773307/

The Thought Provoking, Irreverent  Pearl Necklace Grandmother of the 21st C

Founder Soul Hangout http://soulhangout.net

Founder of  Co-Creative Circles of Coherence, Soul Mastermind Groups Consciously Connecting & Combining Intelligence. The 7 “C”‘s of the 7 Condiments of Cooperation

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Adopt Your Inner Child!

 

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Do you believe that somehow in your inner world stands a frustrated little child hungry for attention and love, who projects its needs into your adult life, interfering with your present actual dreams, confusing the hell out of you, and injecting you a lot of the time with a feeling of emptiness  and devastation similar to the one you experienced in your remote childhood ?

Your childhood, so remote and yet so near.

You have a child from your past, present in the household of your life, acting out. Now.  Invading your space.  Preventing  you from being you today.  Making important decisions for you.

The irony is that it is not even about you.  Is about that little child, stuck in some scene of your past, frozen in time.

Demanding acknowledgement.  Directly intervening in all your relationships, because it wants those people in your life to notice it, to feed its anxiety, to fill the holes, to become the parent it is longing for.  It can be any of them,  your lover, your peer your child, your boss or your relative…As long as the relationship feels familiar to that remote scene frozen in its past.

(Every child is an artist, the problem is to remain an artist when he grows up. Pablo Picasso)

It will continue repeating the same behavior, in the hopes that somebody is going to make everything  right for it.  One day.  One day, somebody will rescue it, and liberate it away from the carousel  scene of the past.  Going around and around.

Except that it is mistaken, the only person who can really pull it away from the carousel is you. You and only you  can really calm it down.  It is yours, lives in the household of your life.  It needs your attention.  Nobody else’s.  It needs to hear your grown up command.  The whisper of your will. Your will to live in the present.

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How to Read the Perfection In Your Errors

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Yes, you read correctly.  P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N in your errors.
Seems crazy, huh?

Again, in order to learn reading the perfection in your errors, you have to treat errors as data.

Part of your unique life path data.

Train yourself to look for the light underneath the ashes of your errors.

In that light is your way to wholeness.

Think about it, if you believe to some extent, the concept of “your thoughts create your reality” is somewhat true…You, only you are the creator of your story.  Errors included.

You created the whole thing,  completely.

With everything you had. And everything you had not. What you had not is what you have to fill with new information.

Well, you had more or less than the rest of the world.

But you had what you had. No more nor less.

You didn’t know better. You were missing data.

Sometimes you didn’t know there were other options because you were never exposed to those options.

You just didn’t know.

So, are you going to punish yourself for life because you made a mistake due to lack of knowledge?

How cruel can it be to pay such a price for not knowing…

Wouldn’t you think that pretending we  know  everything is unrealistic and leaves you with a sense of inadequacy?

Of course, inadequacy that can be erased from the equation by accepting the truth and finding the adequate information.

Besides, you don’t know right now when you are hurting and recriminating yourself for being human, if this error is one of the best things that happened to you.

Lack of knowledge can be very grey, like the ashes.

Every time you make a mistake, you are facing an opportunity to see yourself as you are, evaluate what you have, what you don’t have and make adjustments. Adding new data.

Most of the time a life changing decision comes from those errors.

That’s right! That’s their purpose.

Opportunities to find the light of knowledge underneath the ashes of ignorance.

When the dust of emotion settles on the ground, and you  revisit the data base of the past, the past becomes
a vast source of information, information that tells you that maybe your errors were there to be crafted with the
big picture. And you don’t need to keep repeating them…any more.

I think the hardest part is accepting that part of us is ignorant. Simply human. There is a saying in Spanish that says: “Nadie nació sabido.” Nobody was born known.

Errors disappear in the big picture.

Sometimes what was perceived as a mistake or a problem becomes a blessing in spite of the pain you had to endure.
When the dust settles.

In the end is like living in the present visualizing a movie in the future. The movie of your own life story,
you are actively and consciously creating in the present. With what you had and with what you had not.

Finding the meaning in your errors and trials opens up a rainbow of information you didn’t have. Information you can choose to acquire.

Things you were not exposed too.

Don’t punish yourself for not knowing.

Just look for the perfection and leave the pain behind.

After the dust settles on the ground.

After the dust settles on the ground, I invite you to share the stories of big errors in  your life that were transformed to blessings in the big picture. It is a great topic for conversation, because it helps reinforce the idea that it’s OK not to know. Is even better because it opens up new dimensions. The world is full of successful people who fell on their knees of human ignorance and embraced the new,  before they got successful. Success and failure are 2 parts of the same coin. Not 2 coins.

Luz

The Thought Provoking, Irreverent  Pearl Necklace Grandmother of the 21st C. Paradigm Shifter, Poet, Storyteller, Marketer, Visionary, Blogger, Coach.

Founder Soul Hangout http://soulhangout.net/2171
Founder of  Co-Creative Circles of Coherence, Soul Mastermind Groups. Consciously Connecting & Combining Intelligence with a touch of “Curry”. The 7 “C”‘s of the 7 Condiments of Cooperation

Stop! It Is What It Is…

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http://www.flickr.com/photos/mareen/312190201/

Please stop, it’s just upside down. Sometimes we really see it that way…

Hi my friends,

Thank you so much for visiting Soul Hang Out. And for coming back for more . It means you are in resonance with the content. Feels like a partnership.  I do my part, you do yours. 50/50. I appreciate it. A lot. Thanks again for your response.

I am posting the first issue of Soul Hang Out newsletter, titled

Stop! “It Is What It Is”

Some times the anatomy of words whisapers in your ear. Do you notice the perfect harmony in the combination of letters? To me is a pleasure just to execute the exercise of writing  it. It’s like they are giving you permission to be. To just be. They provide a sense of looseness and relief. It’s like a reminder to stay present in Inness.

Any way, my intention of posting the first issue of the newsletter is to inspire you all to subscribe to it. It will show up weekly in your inbox. It will bring you the stories with a reminder to stop and think… “It Is What It Is” is to be embraced. There is nothing else, really. It lacks drama. And the drama takes away your power…It belongs in the past. I invite you to participate with your stories. I will publish them and we can share. Share the stories of your humanity. The only thing we have in common.

Please stop  censoring reality. “It Is What It Is”

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When I sent the first copy of the newsletter to my list, I received an email from Felicia. That’s what inspired me to do this.  The way she felt about it. I want to share with you all and see if you agree with her. Provided she has been my friend for about 15 years, and we have done  a lot of of work together. Soul conversations.

She was one of those people  in my life that kept encouraging me to keep moving. She believed in me. She was actually the person who introduced me to Alice Miller and her great concept of “Enlightened Witnesses.” It’s very sweet. Thanks again, Felicia, my dear friend.  And also, by the way if you have any feedback will be greatly appreciated it.  It’s  is time to start the conversation.

It reads like this:

You are just brilliant!!!!!

This newsletter is perfect!

If I were with you I’d be screaming my head off about
how great this is!!

SO beautifully stated, the pacing is peace.

Luzma – you talk about this acceptance business in a
way that I can take it in more than anywhere else I’ve
ever read.  You’ve been doing it for years — it is
consistent.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Oh, if I were there I’d be hugging you and dancing
around and patting you on the back and screaming and
laughing!!

Love,

Felicia

Yeah! she is talking about the newsletter. The place where you and I are going to start the conversation. The place where we will craft the words to align our thoughts and nurture our soul. The place where we will read the perfection in our errors. The place where we will transmute drama into wisdom.

Very soon I will announce a monthly Tele-seminar and Podcast.

I will also allocate hours a week to soul conversation, one on one to clarify any doubts that you may have.  Monday through Wednesday from 3pm to 4 pm. Through the chat box.

When you subscribe you will get the newsletter with evolving  plans and projects.

I would love to have you contribute  throwing some ideas of how would you like to  proceed  from here.

So far I have many ideas, but would like to hear yours. Reunions, (I prefer the word reunion to seminars.)  Virtual and live. Coaching,  groups and one on one.

Here is the newsletter.

I chose “It is what it is” to be the
title of my newsletter because it’s a
good start. We are who we are and it
is what it is.

It is what it is strips away the perception
of drama from the experience. It helps to
treat it as simple data, to be transformed
into valuable experience.

You just can’t leave anything out. If you
did, you would be leaving  precious
parts of you, pieces that you need to
complete that identity puzzle of your unique
wholeness. Your seal.

Besides, the bridge to arrive to your life purpose,
awakening and contentment is the stone bridge of
self acceptance.

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To me, spirituality is embedded in accepting
our simple and polarized human nature.
Completely.

And guess what…You cannot accept
yourself if you are missing pieces of
the puzzle. In which case you would be accepting
only a percentage of yourself, not the 100%.

You can’t settle for less than even a golden
penny less than 100. Do you?

You would be cheating yourself!
Wouldn’t you?

In order to accept yourself as
your human heart longs for, it will help
to start giving a hard and long look
at yourself and honor what it is today,
with non judgemental compassion.

It is what it is!

Thanks so much for being a member of
Soul Hang Out. Please feel free to ask me
any questions. I would love to start the
conversation with you and hear your
comments.

Here is to you, the one and only.

Luz

You can subscribe here.

The Thought Provoking, Irreverent  Pearl Necklace Grandmother of the 21st C. Paradigm Shifter, Poet, Storyteller, Marketer, Visionary, Blogger, Coach.

Founder Soul Hangout http://soulhangout.net/2171
Founder of  Co-Creative Circles of Coherence, Soul Mastermind Groups. Consciously Connecting & Combining Intelligence with a touch of “Curry”. The 7 “C”‘s of the 7 Condiments of Cooperation

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