So here I am, trying to figure out who this person is that I have been living with my entire conscious life. What is it that made me the person I perceive myself to be right now? What influences, both physical and spiritual have directed me to the place where I stand on this journey? Have I been an active participant in molding myself or have I taken a passive role in developing who I am? Are my answers to these questions filled with 100% honesty? If not, why the heck would I lie to myself? Interesting thought…
My goal at this very moment is not only to find out who I am, but to figure out who or what has taken the most active role in forming who I am up to this point in my life. Furthermore, who or what is going to be responsible for crafting “Me” going forward? Looking back, “Me” has always been what I have projected to the world. I have always felt the confines of this delicate facade that is the surface that I want everyone else to see. It has been chiseled from the beginning by my perception that expectations mattered. It first began to take form when I went against what I wanted, and willfully surrendered to what would make another person happy. As time went on it developed distinct features when I verbally agreed with someone for fear that they would not like me, when I had a distinctly (or even subtly) different opinion. It affixed itself to protect my true “self” as a wall protects a castle, the first time I told myself that I did not succeed because I was not good enough…or that I told myself I did all I could when maybe that was not the case. It gained traction and permanence when I began to believe untruths that my conscious mind kept repeating. At some point, I became exactly what I wanted to project to the world, my friends, family, colleagues, etc…I began to identify with people, things, and places, the things that seemed like they mattered. In this process, the real Ross Welte was lost. I stopped being the one responsible for who I am. The person I projected was a direct result of the situation I was in…I am not saying that I was two-faced, or what people would consider a bad person, in fact quite the opposite was true…When you do everything you can to make everyone around you happy, people are bound to like you! But is that really you? Are you scared to find the real you for fear that “they” might not like what they see? Are you afraid that YOU might not like what you see?
Lose the Mask, Find Yourself
Years of hiding, lying to, and protecting yourself means that it is no small task to figure out what lies beneath it all. Letting go of things that you have believed about yourself for so long can seem unbearable. Many people fear change because they perceive it to mean that everything that they have done up to this point in their lives is now meaningless or wrong in some way. Realize right now that this is not the case. Whether you are 26 or 76, everything in your life has brought you to this point of figuring out who you are and why you are here. This is such a gift! You have the opportunity to live the rest of your life in the spirit of self-discovery, purpose, and passion…How sweet is that? Some people live and die without ever having this opportunity! You have that opportunity, right now, and now, and now… to be present in your own life instead of watching from the sidelines as the world tells you who you are, how to behave, and what is expected of you. Take back the authority of your own life to craft yourself into the person that you are supposed to be, that you want to be. Exciting? I think so
I listened to a conversation with Michael Beckwith and he made a statement that I think can really help to illustrate how we can start this process of self-discovery. He said that most people live life from their “memory bank,” like a filing cabinet of all past experiences that dictate what you do and believe about future experiences. Think about that concept. Living your life from the past…it is no longer You, living in the now, crafting your life. It is letting this filing cabinet of things in the past determine what you do today. Seems a little crazy doesn’t it? We wonder why we get stuck in “ruts” don’t we? We do the same things, over and over, and hope that something different will come of it? We need to release ourselves!!! Stop living with linear thought. We are so wrapped up in the concept of TIME that we can’t let go of the past. I say this, Let go of the past. Take the lessons that you learned there and let it go. Stop living from the memory bank and open yourself up to letting it flow from somewhere new, that inner you that is in touch with something bigger. Create in your mind a new image or feeling of “You.”
(I am far away from what I planned to write about in this post, but the plan is really of little consequence. )
The real “You” exists. The mask that the world sees does not. My life has been filled with different masks and things that brought me to a place where I was not sure what the real me looked like. It is interesting as I look back on my short life and see the things I have told myself about “Me” that have turned out to be false. I was not being honest with myself, and therefore I was lost. I am on my way to removing the masks, peeling back the layers of the onion, and discovering the magnificent truths that do exist at the core of who I am. You can do the same thing. Ask yourself, how many of the beliefs about yourself were formed by you and you alone. How many of those beliefs have been crafted for you by society, expectations, and lies while you stood as a silent observer and tried on whatever seemed to fit? In hopes of tying some common theme through this post (although I am not sure that will happen) I just want to leave with this… If you are not molding and building “You,” who is?…do you want the final say? Are you ok with change? Are you prepared to be 100% honest with yourself and break down the walls that shield your core from the rest of the world? Like someone who is learning to play the piano, they have to learn how before they can actually create music. Once they learn the basics, eventually they will release themselves and what were once just individual notes are now flowing together as MUSIC from a source other than written notes and technical skill. The same goes for finding ourselves. We need to work on the basics and figure out “how to play.” However long that takes, as difficult as it may seem, at some point we will have a release and be able to “make music” with our lives, purpose, and passion…Then we can share it with the world.
With Gratitude to You,